Christmas was a lot harder than I thought it was going to be. I found myself slipping into a deep funk.  I guess I just really miss my family and friends. I certainly underestimated how hard it would be being in a third world country for Christmas. I felt a little bad because Even though I tried very hard to hide how I was feeling the kids just knew. They kept coming up to me asking “Rocky anna you sad aa?” I kept saying I’m happy but they kept saying you’re a lying to us. I just didn’t want them to feel like I’m not happy to be with them because I am so grateful to God for letting me be here with them it’s amazing.

I miss you and I’m so grateful that you have been so faithful and loving to me. Your wonderful, love, grace and money provides me with the power to be the family that these kids are missing. Trust me the kids are so grateful to you. I’ll give you an example. Some days I go away for a day or two to do work in the city. Right before leaving the kids will protest and try to get me to stay. When I come back they will run out and greet me. You make that possible for them. Thank you sincerely from me and the kids.

Bedwetting

In India you will come across a wide range of stomach turning smells, I don’t know what it is; this place just seems to emanate the scent of putrid filth. You have to have a bold stomach or a really weak nose to walk around not fazed by it. I must say I’m probably 71.9% Indian because the smells don’t really seem to shake me. I think most people dream that India is filled with a thick smell of curry and chicken wings, Ok not chicken wings but you get my point. If I had to choose a non favorite I’d probably have to have a very close tie between the smells of years old garbage mound cooking in the hot sun and the smell of urine. Now I don’t mean like dirty McDonalds bathroom pee smell, I mean like Aggressively saturated with urine as if you were painting your house with it.

The reason I bring this up is because I have taken on the lovely job of helping two of our boys overcome bedwetting.  It’s funny it seemed like a no brainer, STOP DRINKING a crap load of water before hitting the sheets. Ok funny story I’m sleeping on the floor having a fantastic dream and I was woken up because I felt cold. Now this is next to impossible because we are talking southern India here, not the North Pole. So I sit up and touch my shirt and it’s all wet.  I’m thinking, RAIN? Impossible, I’m inside. So I smell my shirt, Oh it’s pee. Thank God, I thought it was…. WAIT pee!  What happened?  I didn’t wet myself did I? Well you see what happened is; I was sleeping on an uneven floor and the boy on higher ground wet himself and gravity decided to share it with me. Tell me about a pretty lousy wakeup call at 2:30 in the morning

Go somewhere else

While being here in India, I’ve learned why it is so important to God that we are JUST as people. In many lists in the bible, God will give these little list of what spiritual attribute he wants his people to seek the most.  Micah 6:8 for example. When we become apathetic to helping others to find the justice they are waiting for then I think we are suffering from two different diseases at the same time. The first is an aggressive and self-destructive selfishness. The second is numbing to the point of not even behaving like a human. So many people will say that is going too far. Really, how can anyone read the Bible a miss the principle of righteousness toward others? It is completely rooted in mutual betterment for both parties. A couple perfect examples are Exodus 23, Luke 10: 30-36, and Luke 11:39-42 in all these examples I see the total importance of being concerned about one another’s well being.

In India the injustice is like wild fire. People are more callous to other peoples suffering that they willingly choose to neglect their neighbor. I’ll give you an example; One of our little girls was running and playing outside. As she was running, she fell down and broke both her wrist at the same time. She obviously was in extreme pain and was screaming in agony. The caretakers put her in the van and rushed her to the nearby hospital. They took the time to fill out the papers to admit her. In Tamil Nadu the prevalence of Aids is very high so they ask every one admitted if they are positive. So in this case as soon as they disclosed that Kowsalya was, they discharged her immediately and refused to treat her. Now we are talking about a hospital being completely unwilling to treat an 8 year old girl in extreme pain. They looked right through her with no concern what so ever toward her pain and asked us to take her somewhere else. Now you would think that this only happed once but the truth is we took her to five more hospitals and got the same response “take her somewhere else”.

It’s just like the guy who combs over his field one more time to make sure he can find every last grape, he is completely unconcerned about whether or not the alien eats because to him It’s not his problem. The fact that he can sleep at not without feeling the immense remorse and regret from the condition of his heart is a clear picture for just how seared his conscious is.

Where has the righteous anger gone from the disciples? Are we empathic to the suffering of the lost. Just to clear up something I’m not advocating being consumed with giving people bread and blankets as their soul dies in sin. But I’ve seen so many completely content with having a Bible study here and there and attending all the meetings of the body and never being concerned with administering justice. Some people don’t see these two things as working hand in hand. The view I get from Scripture is of men and women lifting people out of their suffering and administering the gospel. They are not separate. I’ve seen the other extreme; as well I’ll give an example. I used to serve with a homeless ministry in downtown Pittsburgh once a week. The sole purpose of the group was to feed people a meal and spend time with them. Something I noticed was after the meal was done they sent the people away broken and completely enslaved to their sins. The group never taught these people how to get their life right with Jesus they just handed them a loaf of bread and sent them away to die spiritually hungry. At that time I wasn’t really all that concern about their spiritual walk either. I commend Christians who are striving to offer both to their neighbor; I challenge those who are not to strive to do so. When you offer one without the other it can be an easier ministry but you have to offer both to have the Ministry of Jesus.

Mindless beast

I think very few people from the west will ever understand the Indian phenomenon known as the cow. Now I must say before coming to India I guess I had a mutual respect and love for all animals but let me say that has changed.  I now believe that it is best that some animals are killed without thought. Have you ever been driving down the road at 60 miles per hour and had a herd of cows walk carelessly across the highway, causing you to nearly lose your life? No I Didn’t think so. What about – you’re in a hurry to get somewhere and your rolling down the road and suddenly find yourself at a standstill because there are six cows who decided they would enjoy a noon day nap in the middle of the road? As you pull your car or bike right up to their body and honk mercilessly they just glance over at you as if to say go around me. No? Or what about the nearly unattainable effort that has to be made just to avoid saturating your shoes in the crap sprinkled everywhere you walk in India. I used to think cows were so cute but as of late I find myself fantasizing about how interesting it would be to tap one on the head with a wooden mallet. Of all the things I never want to worship the cow. They have effortlessly climbed their way to number one.

In Honor of my Dad

Looking back on my life I remember being a pretty destructive kid. Sadly my father’s things tended to feel my wrath the most. I remember times where we would be sitting down watching TV and I would be there mindlessly picking the buttons off of my father’s 600 dollar VCR remote (At that time a VCR actually cost that much). I also recall taking his tools (which he hated). I would reason “I’m going to bring this back the minute I’m finished with it”. Then something would happen in my brain, kind of like an involuntary shut off switch, which would render me powerless in remembering that I needed to return my father’s tool to its original location. The result would be his tool lying rusting somewhere never to be seen again. To be honest this bothered me very little, even though my father would beat me for it.

It’s funny because God has a way of putting a mirror in your face and saying look this is how awful you were. Nice isn’t it? Recently I have had the wonderful joy of my things being destroyed by the kids, I’ll give you a few stories to illustrate my point.

A few weeks ago I had parked my motorcycle and put the kickstand up, this particular week we had gotten a lot of rain and the ground was rather soft. I told the kids to stay off the bike, which is a huge temptation for the boys, they love to sit on it and play with the switches. About 5 Minutes later all the kids were shouting for me to come quickly, I came running and there was my bike lying on the ground. I was like awesome you guys are destroying my bike, very cool. So I start to assess the damage and at first sight it doesn’t look like anything has happened. So I proceed to set the bike back up on the stand.  Oh, but wait! The stand is missing. My solid steal stand is completely missing from the solid steal bike frame. I kid you not, I turn around to look for it and to my surprise Kowsalya is sitting on the ground writing her name in the dirt with it. Hmmm Awesome, your drawing things In the dirt with my kick stand. You know I could have been mad but the situation was so ridiculous that I had to laugh at her.

About a week and a half after that event I had become a little bit more protective of my bike, so anytime kids go around it I quickly see what they are doing. One day I happened to notice Keerthy standing next to my bike for some time. I watched her for a moment her then decided to check out what she was doing. As I approached her she turned and said look Rocky Anna your name. As I looked down at the tank on my bike there was in fact my name. She had decided to take a piece of broken tile and scratch my name on both sides of my tank. Again very cool my name on my bike very thoughtful. She was so fired up about it, completely clueless of the damage she was causing.

Lastly I came home to grab a few things before running out to this computer class I’m teaching in the local slum school. Those who know me know I hate not being able to find crap when I’m in a hurry. So there I am searching for my computer bag and cannot find it anywhere. I start asking different kids if they have seen it and every one is saying Subbu Subbu. So I start looking for Subbu and find her and ask; Subbu where is my computer bag. She grabs my hand walks over to the hut in front of the orphanage, goes inside and comes out with my bag. Cool I open it up to put my computer in and to my surprise Subbu has thoughtfully planted a garden inside. You know it serves me right for the thousands and thousands of dollars of my father’s money I wasted growing up. Well pop I’m starting to understand why you were so irritated.

Where Am I Going

It’s really hard for me to love these kids so deeply and know that at the end of the day no matter how much I wish they were, they are not my kids. I remember a year back before I left, crying so hard over Anitha because of the pain she was going through being left in the orphanage without a family. How I longed to take her and shower her with love but I knew she was destined to live a life outside of a family. I remember complaining to God about the laws and regulations that keep kids like these without families to love them. Even if you can cross all the legal hurdles there is next the thousands and thousands of dollars you have to pay just to adopt a child. Then there is the last factor they have Aids and you can forget the thought of ever being adopted.

I have to be honest,  the thought of marriage seems so safe to me because It seems like under that union nobody can take your wife and children away from you. I can love my child as much as I want and no one but God can take them away from me. One of my most favorite kids here is Kowsalya. She is one of the weakest little girls in the home. I don’t know what to say, I just love this little girl so much I wish she was mine. That’s the challenge this is a child who is so. The surrounding world sees her as a stone on the ground but I see a precious diamond. Now you see if I had my own children they would stay with me. I can shepherd them and love them and no one can say it’s wrong and nobody but God can take them from me. The uncertainty the challenge of loving these kids is hard because they could be here one day and the next day gone. Maybe it’s an illusion to think that if you have your own children your entitled to them, I mean entitled to keep them. Kowsalya you’re my daughter in my heart and I think that is ok… maybe not. I dream for you to grow up into a lovely big girl, you will be so sweet with good manners and a soft heart. You will love God so much for all the favor he has showed you. You will give him your heart and life and one day we will both be taken home to be with him. You won’t have to walk alone I’ll walk with you.

Please PRAY:

1. That I will learn and have faith about and in God’s Grace. I have an extremely hard time feeling forgiven at any given time. I’m all about deeds and no grace and it murders my joy. I actually think if I have 100% change myself it will not happen and that God expects that.
2. Pray for vignesh.  He has been getting violently angry and I don’t know how to handle him.
3. Pray for Saravana who is trying to pass a very important test that will affect his life.
4. Pray for all our children to deeply fall in love with God and become disciples someday.

Love rocky

Please remember to know that if you intend to send anything please send it to the address below just in case you have a different one.

Robin Braat
Hope Foundation
New No. 13, Old No. 7,
Flat-D, Sharath’s Apts., 1st Floor,
Nehru Nagar 1st Street, Adyar
Chennai – 600 020.

Please don’t place your value above 20 dollars or they will charge me a lot of money to receive the package

PS The photos are of:
Me and Kowsalya
All the kids in their christmas hats
Me and vignesh
And me and some of the boys the small boy is our newest child