I’m just going to dive in rather than giving some cool intro ok? It’s funny how insecure I felt and how much I doubted myself that first week, Everything seemed to be crying “you made a big mistake”. I would have so many thoughts like when is the soonest I could leave this place, it was really scary because I really thought it was a for sure thing that I would give up and come home with my tail between my legs. I’m not going to lie it takes only a strength God can provide to walk away from your life into a situation that really can’t give anything back to you. I think I lessened the nobility of that a lot to myself, but it was hard. I’ve made an effort every morning to pray and read God’s word before leaving my room it sustains me with what I need for the day. You wouldn’t believe some of the stuff Satan throws at you from day to day as you try to serve God by serving others. I would get thoughts like certain kids didn’t actually want me around, It would make me super insecure. I would try to embrace them and they would push me away. I would get so sad because all I wanted to do is pour out love on them but they were seeming to reject it. I’m very happy to say that most have given their hearts back to me. I can only intemperate what I think goes on in their little minds and hearts. Maybe they are thinking he is just going to leave again, maybe there has been sexual abuse and they are afraid to be touched. I think the locals have thought I was strange because of my love for the kids maybe that’s way they were so cold that first week or so. I can’t help but imagine that every touch of Jesus hands would be like a lullaby, full of gentleness with a underlining story. Today was really neat because the children said “ Nee norda ya kudumbum” You are my family, how priceless is that? Little things like that encourage my soul.

I road on the bus with one of the youngest girls, here name is Kowsalya. I tell you this little girl is an angel from God. She is as thin as string and bobs around the orphanage like a frog or something.  I sat and watched her as she looked out the window. It’s so crazy to be in the presents of such an amazing child that nobody wants. It’s like finding Gold and no one wanting it. It’s children like her that made it impossible to live in the US. Because I would look at her picture and know that she is growing up with out hugs and love everyday. Thanks to God I’m here with children like her every day.

This weekend I saw an injustice that literally made me sick to my stomach. So let me back up a bit to give you the context so you understand better. Friday Dr Ashook who is a very well educated man, He and his wife over see all the hope work here in Chennai. Well friday he spoke to me to see if I’d be willing to take the children along with me on a church retreat. I obviously said that I would love to so we booked a 25-passenger bus for all the kids. I ended up going up early with a person in the church here. I asked him if they do a children’s ministry for the kids and if I could start bringing the kids so they can start hearing the word of God. The response seemed very reluctant and vague but I didn’t question it. It was something about the children being hard to handle and of a pretty large number. I spend everyday with the children and I’ve never met children with better behavior, but anyway not the point. Well that night all the children showed up in the bus, which was really awesome because they never get away from that tiny orphanage. This retreat happened to be right on the beach so I was looking forward to the kids enjoying the water. When it came time for bed they split the men up in to two rooms in one section and the girls in another two rooms. I finished getting ready and laid down with the orphans to sleep, about 30mins had passed and I started to wonder where are the other brothers at? So I waited and waited, not one other person came into the room and it dawned on me that no one wanted to sleep in the same room as these children. My heart was so heavy but I turned over to sleep. In the morning I found that the same was true for the girls room, only the woman who have Aids stayed with the orphan girls. As Sunday morning progressed I could see everything as clear as day, because the children have aids they where totally ostracized from everyone else. The kids didn’t even know it was happening to them. About 9:25 they pulled the kids aside and did a little devotional for them. That’s all fine and dandy but the other kids actually had classes for the age groups. None of the normal kids were apart of the devo for the aids children. Breakfast rolled around and the kids again where eating totally separate of the Christians. At this point my frustration was pouring out of my actions. I mean these kids need to learn about Jesus, And Jesus says that people will know we are his disciples by our love, but I couldn’t see that love. I saw the children being treated like lepors. Finally lunch rolled around and I’m thinking am I the only one who see this crap? I had the kids sit down and wash their hands, we were waiting for the food to be brought in and finally it came. A sister here named Latha who has Aids served all the children their lunch. I noticed that she didn’t have anything for lunch so I asked her about it and she played it off nicely. About two minutes later a sister named Priya asked her about it and she started to weep. I could tell that the tears had nothing to do with food but I waited till a better time to ask her about it. After we took the kids to the beach I pulled her aside and asked her how she was feeling. She started to cry and spoke about feeling like an outcast and how she knows non-Christians who show more love and concern for the children then the christians do. My heart broke as I heard her speak about feeling like she has nowhere to go. People here are so afraid of the aids virus yet they know nothing of how it is spread. I’m not sure yet what I’m going to do with this righteous anger. Being with the children everyday I’m starting to see how they feel about these little injustices. It’s like I stepped out of my perfect life into real suffering. I’m praying everyday to lay my life down more and more for others and God continues to present opportunities to do so. Maybe in some strange way I’m going to be someone who speaks up for the needs of the poor.

Humble pie.
So in India they don’t have bathrooms like we do. What they have is a 5 foot by 5 foot square with a little faucet about a foot from the floor. Next to that is a little liter bucket that you fill with water to pour over yourself. Now in the very center of the square is a toilet, now this isn’t a western toilet it’s an Indian toilet which is basically a hole in the ground you squat over, It’s a rather ugly looking thing. So after a day in 108 degree weather I want one thing before I go to bed, a bath. So I go inside and unwrap my nice new bar of soap and as I’m filling up my little bucket I look into the dark abyss in the center of the floor and think “I’m really going to throw a fit it I drop my soap in the toilet”. Be for I even finish that thought oops, I look down just in time to see my soap go for a hole in one. I could not believe I lost my soap how retarded is that? I swear to you If I didn’t feel so desperate I would have never been as mad as I was. So I was faced with a decision, Go to bed feeling like a dirty mess or peer into that black hole and fish out my soap. I’m not going to lie I cursed under my breath and reached my arm in after my soap Good news I found it.

Cool sleep
I feel asleep on the floor the other night and I woke up to my foot being clasped by Ajith’s hand. It’s so amazing how much the orphans are responding to the love. In the beginning they were so standoffish but now they are embracing it. It’s really encouraging when the children just want to stand next to you and wait for you to hug them, and hug them I do.

I am grateful to God that I have not had to deal with any serious health complications. The only struggle is my skin I seem to either get a new rash or bit everyday. I make sure to wash my skin a lot but it doesn’t really seem to help. I have a couple of small infections on my arms, it’s irritating but mentally I feel in really high spirits.

Well I wanted to catch you up on things I hope your well.

Love,
Rocky