I’m not sure how I want to start this letter off because there has been so much that has happened over the last two weeks. I figure I’ll just Share what comes out first and go from there.

Neelam’s Story
I want to tell you a sad story first because It’s late and I’m usually the most reminiscent at night. If you’re not in the mood for a sad tune just skip over it and come back.
I want to share about one of the women in the home because she is just an extraordinary woman in my eyes. The other night I was sitting alone on the roof because I was felt so discouraged. Randomly Neelam came up the steps and sat in front of me and asked why I was looking Romba Sogam (very Sad). I gave her a lame excuse because I just didn’t feel up to talking. I was surprised at what happened next, she seemed to try and earn my trust by sharing her life with me. Before I go any further I’m just going to try and put it in her exact words because it was so powerful and I don’t want to lose that.

At the age of nine my mother’s death I was just small girl. My father no interest in me so he is taking me to my grandmother’s house and left, I am never seeing him again. At a young age I’m taking my marriage. My marriage was happy marriage my husband soooo loving. I am having four children my first baby, daughter but she is death. Then three more children having, one boy two girls. One year later husband very sick hospital going. TB hospital Doctor saying husband HIV positive. Four months later husband’s death. I am pregnant next month baby having, going to Hospital doctor saying HIV testing. Doctor test then saying two childrens are negative, me and Joshna positive. I am crying telling doctor no positive I am only one husband.….why? My husband’s mom saying poison baby, this baby is waste, saying injection. I am going to my village working, me and three children. I am meeting disciple. Disciple loving me loving my children, helping me. Study bible becoming disciple. After I am very sick my husbands mother taking my two childrens away. I I’m fighting saying no. Now only me and Joshna. Two childrens I am not seeing.

At this point she started to cry, It’s very rare that you will ever see and Indian cry because people really make a joke out of it. Saying stuff like “life I hard for every body, get over your problem”. I did my best to comfort her. She cried for a few minutes then spoke again, “I have one dream”. “I one day have all three children in my own house. I am cooking for them loving them. I am working taking care of them”. It’s amazing how much pain these women can live with day in and day out and still survive.

ICE COLD PEPSI
It’s funny how some times we totally lose control over stupid stuff. I heard a man once say “you need to learn the art of quick recovery”. In a sense he spoke of learning to lessen the time it takes for you to regain control. I on the other hand consider myself to be a beginner at this. It all began Monday as I began to spiral out of control, One huge embarrassing failure piled onto of the next huge embarrassing failure. Before you know it I was a grumpy frustrated young man looking for a place to vent. I decided to take a walk and reward encourage myself with an ice cold Pepsi. As I walked through the crowded street I became more and more irritated with the circus of people blocking me from my destination. There in front of my path was an old woman selling vegetables that nobody wants to buy. I thought “I’ll be cool and jump right over her stuff so I don’t have to be inconvenienced by going around”. Like a stallion I leaped majestically over her stand only to find myself landing in the center of the largest pile of fresh cow feces I had ever seen. As I removed my leg from the steaming pile I almost laughed at the Irony of the situation. There I was dragging my leg in the dirt trying to remove the crap from between my toes. I did my best not to draw attention to myself as I walked into the grocery store. It’s funny, it wasn’t till I was inside the store that I realized how terrible cow feces smells. I left the store grateful that they didn’t escort me out without my drink. I guess daily I’m learning to take things in stride.

Seeing Her Pain
Last night was a rather emotional night for me. It was a lingering sadness that eats at you like an irritating repetitious sound.

So once in awhile the children will have a random visit from a relative they almost never see or hear from. It’s really interesting to see how the demeanor of the child with totally change, it’s like they become someone else. I observed one of our youngest girls grip a doorway in an attempt to keep from being taking by her relative, she was totally crippled with fear. Witnessing these moments turns me into someone else also. I feel like a hen trying to gather chicks under her little wings, in my attempt I find that no one ever declared me the hen.

So on with my story it begins with a little girl named Swathi, She is a rather reserved twelve-year old girl. Out of all the children we have in the home she is the hardest to reach. She has an almost impenetrable wall around herself. I hate to use this analogy but it’s the best I have, she is like your family dog after being hit by a car. You try to go to the pet you love and comfort it but because the animal is in pain it bites you, even though it deeply loves you. Watching your animal suffer and feeling helpless is so overwhelming.

Last night the older children and I were finishing up dinner when we heard a knock at the gate out of nowhere Swathy had a visitor. As I approached the gate the man spoke and told me he was Swathy’s brother. I have never seen her eyes light up the way they did, he came in and she followed him like a shadow. I was filled with some much joy just watching her. The first 5 minutes really seemed to go great, and then he decided to make a phone call. For twenty minutes she faithfully sat next to him waiting to talk. When he finished he smiled and dialed another number. For another twenty minutes she waited patiently. Her demeanor quickly returned to the Swathy I’m used to seeing. He ended his stay with one more phone call. Before he left I urged him to let me take a photo of the two of them together for her to remember him. Writing this I’m getting emotional because I maybe the only one who understands what a treasure this little girl is. More and more I’m starting to understand that I will never be able to replace the family shaped peace in each child’s heart.

Make my Day
Today I was walking our children to school because our van suddenly died on us. The kids were already running about 10 minutes late. In India it’s a huge deal if your children are late to school, the teachers will actually hit them if they are late. So we quickly put on our sandals and I rushed 28 kids to school. We set out at a hurried pace when suddenly two older men on a motorcycle came out of nowhere. They aimed for the center of our group, closer and closer at a speed of maybe 25 miles and hour. I thought these guys are going to stop right? It was as if they didn’t see the large group of children walking to school with their packed lunches. I quickly tried to rush the kids out of the way so that no one would be hurt. About half way through the crowed he stopped. I quickly grabbed the handle bars of his bike raised my voice and rebuked him publicly. “Do you see these kids!” pointing to them in the most obvious manner I could. To be honest with you I’m not a very angry or violent man but I wanted to beat the trash out of this man. I’m actually surprised at how protective I’ve become while being here. It disturbs me how ignorant some people can be, they wonder around completely self consumed and disconnected from the concerns of other people. To that man on the bike he didn’t see children he saw his destination. I guess at times I’m not much different.

The fridge
Some days it seems to me that I’m losing my vision. At times it bums me out but some times it’s kinda funny. Today I went into the fridge to make myself something to eat. I opened the door and gazed down at the vegetables. Now As I looked down at the large moving Squash I started to question weather or not I could be hallucinating from the chapatti. I couldn’t believe it the Squash was literally crawling across the rest of the produce. About 40 seconds in to my trip I relieved my goodness that’s not a walking squash it’s a giant yellow rat. To late it turned and jumped out at me and onto the floor. The good news is I didn’t soil myself. The bad news is I have no idea how the rat is getting into my fridge.

Please continue to pray for:
1) Our children and their health.
2) For me to quickly learn the language
3) Pray for our kids to do well in their studies.
4) Lastly for God to break down the barriers in our communication.

Thank you for every thing you do.
Love.
Rocky