Yesterday Night I was up later then usual which is a good thing because thats the time when some of the most amazing things happen. As i was sitting in my little plastic chair a few of the oldest girls filter outside to talk with me. All though we speak so little of each others language God seemed to open up an incredible line of communication between all of us. At first the conversation consisted of small talk and little stories but then God allowed things to go much deeper. One by one the girls started to share the stories of scars from their past life. Before coming to the orphanage many of these girls faced  unbelievable  hurts from the families that were supposed to love them.  To be honest it was hard not to cry over their pain. The first one to tell her story was Shipla. I’m going to try to remember her exact words and share from her perspective, So try to hear her telling you. I used to be very close with my father I was kind of a daddies girl. Everything seemed to be going well till my mothers health started to leave her. With in a short time my mother died, Soon after  my Father also died. After that my grandmother and grandfather looked after me. It was a very painful time because they showed no love to me. They separated me from everyone, They gave me one Tumbler (cup) and plate. No one would touch me or speak with me. I spent my time in a separate room from them. One day they sent me away and now i’m here. “they no loving me, only separate”
As sad as it was to hear those words it brought me great joy to hear her speak of how encouraged she have been by me coming. Her birthday was a day ago so I went out and bought her some silver anklets, (among Indian girls anklets are their favorite). She spoke of how they night before she cried because her birthday was the next day and she knew it would come and pass with no more importance to anyone then any other day. “When you gave the “Goules” to me i was so happy and felt so loved”. You showed love to me more then my own family. I don’t say any of this to boast I say to show you that your money is making a difference to someone.

I’ll take the time to share about one more because i can’t stay at this net center forever, I’ll share about Tamilarsy. Me and my parents lived in a small village, I was very happy. Then one day my mother started to get very sick so we went to the hospital to get a tablet (usually means get treated for something). They told us she was Positive ( thats what they call Aids). They tested all of us and found that all of us were positive. Days later my mother died of TB. Me and my father lived together we were very close. One day my father got a new wife and she treated me very badly. She would tell my father don’t you even touch her or talk to her. I was no longer aloud to sleep in the same room as the family . One day they brought me here and never returned.

Now if you have read the little story of her on line this story will make sense if not then read it. I asked Pouline to ask Tamilarsy if she remembers the night she was looking at the photos of her parents. So she did and Tamil said yes. Then I asked do you remember the promise i made that i would be your brother? she said yes, I then told her thats thats one of the reasons i am here. She had a huge smile and said thank you so much.
It’s so funny how each day God reaffirms how important it is for me to be here.

I’m so grateful to God that he is breaking down walls in between me and the children. It’s like each day they are learning to trust and not be afraid. One way God showed this to me is with one of the youngest girls, Her name is Vinodini. All last year this little girl wouldn’t even come up to me, To be honest with you sometimes i’d get super discouraged. Well being here now she will come up to me in the mornings and give me a little hug and he same before bed. Just the other day we all say down to watch a movie and she came and sat never to me and held my hand. I say that to contrast what happened yesterday, Apparently her father is still living and he came to the home to pick her up for ten days. I’ve never seen a more scared child, She sat in a corner a wept till the finally carried her out. I felt protective of her, I was thinking some judgmental thoughts toward her father.  Thoughts Like “Dude you show up out of nowhere this girl doesn’t even know you no wonder shes terrified of you. I Did my best to calm her by rubbing her back and tell her things were going to be ok. Eventually he took her away.

A little update on what happened at the beach.
The older kids totally understood that they were being separated for the Christians. In fact they have no desire to return to church. This obviously pains my heart in a great way because i want nothing more then for them to know Jesus and his love and become Christians themselves. Once again not to boast but to tell it strait the kids contrasted the love and encouragement they receive from me and how it is so different from people who are Christians here. I’m praying a lot to be a bridge builder because it would be so east to get upset and harden my heart at the injustice. I decided to pray and have a very serious talk with the man who leads the church here. Asked a ton of questions and them i shared a few powerful scriptures about loving the poor and favoritism. I did my best to be respectful of and older man in the faith but at the same time be a profit and use the word to call out the injustice. I wish i could say that everything is fixed but i’m working against thousands of years of culture and tradition. I’m not sure what this means yet but I’m going to handle the word with integrity and speak up for those who can’t speak for themselves.

I can’t express to you know how absolutely terrible i smell right now, I’m not even going to describe it to you just imagine death. So i’ll jump right in, I sat down the other night in the dark with the brother who leads the church here. We were actually out to dinner to discuss in detail what happened at the beach, We just so happened to be in the dark because the power when out. That actually happens often, You can have this great plan to do something and then out of nowhere the power goes out. So sitting in the dark I did my very best to share with respect but conviction about what happened. First i expressed the hurt that the women & children felt as they were kept at arms length from the others. Then I opened my bible and shared the entire 2nd chapter of James which teaches about Showing favoritism. It’s a very powerful text you should read it. I then shared Proverbs 31:8-9 It talks about standing up and being a voice for the poor. There were other things i shared but i felt those scriptures are so powerful. I was unsure of how things went based on his response till connecting with him on sunday. He came to me and shared how grateful he was for me having the courage to share all i did with him. He then went on to share a long list of things the church is going to do to show their repentance. To be honest i was caught so off guard because i never ever expected things to turn out so good and so quickly. I attribute it all to the great amount of prayer that went into that talk. I’m really excited though for the great things i know are going to come of it.

Switching gears I woke up today feeling really sad and almost certain that I’m going to fail. I know that sounds retarded but when you feel those intense feeling you can’t just talk yourself out of it. I road the bus to church just feeling really overwhelmed, I was so tempted to let the bus pass my stop. The only thing I can really cling to in those moments is prayer and the promises in the bible. I mean nothing can really satisfy those feelings when your this far out. I can’t just go hang out with all my english speaking friends who know what I’m up against. I’m really grateful that i’ve only had two days like that otherwise i think id dry up.
I did my best to be giving church even though i wanted to crawl under a rock. By the end of the service I was feeling a lot better which was a huge relief. I know God is stretching me so that i will grow because i feel opposition from a lot of different directions. If you remember Just pray that God will continue to sustain me and fill me with great vision and hope. I think one of the major things that is wigging me out is some of the cultural differences that effect the ways i love the kids. For instance when I hug one of the little girls it’s looked at as a little strange because men aren’t supposed to express that kind of love to a child thats not his. It wasn’t until a few days ago when people where mentioning it to me that I started to develop this insecurity. I would think to myself “what if some one sees me hug this child they may think this is in someway sexual”. It’s kinda hitting me in a very soft spot because loving these children is the entire reason I am here. It’s also causing some strange feelings of guilt too, like when I go against what people are saying and show love i then feel defiant. I’m not sure yet what I’m going to do but to be honest I have zero intentions of denying the love and encouragement these children need and deserve.

On an up beat note, you wouldn’t believe how much the children are responding to the daily encouragement and love. Different children will just come up to me at different parts of the day and give me a hug. There are also times when the certain kids with reach out for attention to make sure you still care about them. Like they will what me to sit by them at meals and Stop playing with another child just to come say hi. I’m very grateful to God for the great door he has opened up to me here. Oh another cool thing that happened was, I sat down with a translator and taught the boys how to be gentle with the girls. We were having a problem with the boys playing way to rough with the girls. It was so cool to see their response to the talk.

Well I Hope your doing great i miss you and will keep you up dated.

Be safe,
Love
R.